Tuesday, March 17, 2009

grump factor 6

When I'm in a bad mood, Chris usually asks if I'm at Grump Factor 6. When I once claimed to be at Grump Factor 10, Chris informed me that the Grump Index only goes up to 6, but I swear to you, I've been at Grump Factor 79 for the past couple of days.

For example, when I realized today that I didn't have one of the ingredients for my planned lunch, I considered lying down on the floor and crying. But there was just too much dog hair.

Usually I like to eat leftovers for lunch (e.g., make a pot of soup one night for dinner and eat it for lunch the next couple of days). When I know leftovers will not be an option, I buy black beans, whole wheat tortillas (as with pasta, I swear that whole wheat is better than white), cheese, lettuce, an avocado, lime, and salsa, and I make a burrito each day for lunch.

Burritos are a great lunch. I love beans, avocado is my favorite food, cheese is an asset to any meal, lettuce gives the illusion of healthfulness... But today my burrito was foiled. It was foiled by mis-shopping, and it was foiled by Grump Factor 6.

First, I accidentally bought black soy beans instead of black beans. What the fuck are black soy beans? Whatever they are, they're not going in my burrito, because grumpiness and trying new things do not mix. And this description from the can wasn't particularly compelling: "Organic Black Soy Beans are the best edible soybean variety." It was quite a competition: Once the inedible poop beans were taken out of the running, the edible black soy beans won.

Without beans, I didn't have a burrito, so I made a quesadilla, which is just not the same. Plus, I didn't have lime for my avocado (which I usually mash with lime juice, salt, and Cholula hot sauce), my salsa was old and watery and a little fizzy, there is nowhere to put lettuce on a quesadilla...

In spite of its deficiencies, I managed to force this plateful of food down my throat, which will hopefully give me the strength I need to vacuum up all that dog hair so that when the next crisis occurs I can just throw myself to the ground and weep.


  1. It's a strange thing but your severity of your grumpiness seems to directly benefit the five loyal readers of your bl*g (and for the record I think it's six because your muzzer called Matt as well and told him that he should read your bl*g every day.) It turns out you're even more hilarious when you're grumpy. . .who knew?

  2. Yes and yes. I knew this to be true when the grump goes up so does the funny. Yet, she does not find it funny so you have to kind of laugh behind your hand so you don't get in trouble.

    And by the by, I think that lunch looks delicious!

  3. Why did you take the soy bean update off? I think people need to know about the grossotamy of soy beans.