Monday, April 6, 2009

it's called stockholm syndrome

There was a hostage situation at my house last night, and it was only seconds, not weeks or months, before I went all Patty Hearst and started identifying with my captor: fresh-out-of-the-oven sourdough bread.

Chris went to a bread-making class at King Arthur yesterday and returned home with beautiful loaves of bread he'd baked... dough he'd started there and brought home.

Last night he baked another round loaf and a delicious bread that I wrongly called a focaccia. This thing was heavily armed: drizzled with a little olive oil, dusted with parm and salt, speckled with garlic. It was WARM, people. Slightly crunchy exterior, soft inside. I'd like to have seen you try and resist (although if you'd been at my house, you wouldn't have had to; I wouldn't have let you near it). If the non-focaccia had handed me a machine gun and asked me to rob a bank, I would have...well, I would have gotten in bed and pulled the covers over my head, because if your food is talking to you, you're in trouble. And if your food is trying to get you to commit crimes, you're in BIG trouble.

All my dinner-making plans went out the window. There was no trip to the market, no making of a salad, even. The non-focaccia would not let me.

I would tell you to send ransom money, but at this point I have actually eaten my captor. I was both hostage and SWAT team; how that's for multitasking?


  1. You are so completely over the top! Best that you get under those covers quickly....that way I will be able to sneak inside and grab some of this non-foccacia...or anything else baked that comes from that fellow's girlie hands.

  2. Girlie hands made lots of bread! Where is mine I say? Is he going to make more sourdough soon for me to try?!??!?! I almost got a loaf you know. He was going to trade me a loaf for a lender helmet but then you didn't want to go for a ride - DAMN YOU!!!!

  3. Do you truly eat like this everyday?!?! Prosciutto wrapped fish, freshly baked beautiful loaves of bread, etc, etc. I am waiting for the day that you have a photo depicting a bag of Funyuns and a Snickers Bar (for protein) on a plate, just cuz it's that kinda day. I currently live in such envy and will never let my family in on any of this unnecessary knowledge.

  4. I didn't know if you were counting me as one of your seven readers, but I wanted you to know that I am here. I am a lurker by nature, but since you are family and all, I thought I'd post a comment.

    The bread looks fantastic. Who knew Chris had such mad baking skills?

  5. Hello, Zetti! I think Chris must have inherited his baking abilities from Jo Ruth, though they were apparently latent for nearly 40 years.

    And Challah, funny you should mention it: The alternate name for this bl*g was "Funyuns for Dinner." (In reality, I subsist mostly on peanut-butter toast and burritos.)