i'm in the wrong line of work

I went online yesterday to make a credit card payment and decided that I'd like someone else to pay my credit card bill for once. Namely, the person who charged $1500 at a Home Depot in Ozone Park, New York, to my card but is not me.

I'm mad at the Ozone-Park-Not-Me not only for stealing my credit card number and buying a super fancy grill (or whatever the Ozone-Park-Not-Me purchased), but also for making me so late I didn't have time to make food or go to the grocery store before work (unlike Ozone-Park-Not-Me, I have a [albeit very part-time] job, and because I work from 2 p.m. until 9 or 10 at night, I have to bring dinner with me or I'll die of starvation cry). Flustered and late after my long conversation with the credit card company, I grabbed random food items from my refrigerator and left the house with the following:


So while the Ozone-Park-Not-Me spent the evening grilling steaks on the Cadillac of gas grills, I sat in a windowless, fluorescently lit room proofreading classified ads and eating hard-boiled eggs and pudding.

Did you hear that, Ozone-Park-Not-Me? PUDDING. Jealous?