I know what you've all been wondering: How's Chester Arthur?
He's well, thank you, growing longer every day.
And busy: There's his full-time job here at GFD, and he's taken a variety of lovers—squeaky toys, mostly—with whom he spends his afternoons napping in the sun.
It would be embarrassing if I told you that I'd bought those squeaky toys because they match our furniture, or that I had created an e-mail account in Chester Arthur's name. So I'm not telling you those things.
What I will tell you about are the chocolate-chip cookies I mentioned last week, and a delicious tomato sauce that is fit for both picky-eater yachtsmen and their wives with well-developed palates. Not now, sadly, because I'm too busy chaperoning Chester Arthur on his many dates, supervising all the GFD employees, eating the best chocolate-chip cookies ever, and also proofreading. But I hope to get around to it this week. Complaints about my lackadaisical bl*gging habits can be addressed to GFD's customer-service department at chesterarthurmiller [at] gmail [dot] com.