At this restaurant a security guard attached my bag to my chair with a zip tie to prevent its theft and instructed me to free it using a steak knife. Or at least that's what I imagined he said. At another the Spanish-speaking waitress fetched the English-speaking manager in alarm when we ordered chorizo. "You don't have this in your country," the manager explained. "It's like...how do you say...a hot dog without bun? Pork in tiny parts? Are you sure?"