workin' hard or hardly workin'?

That is for me to know and you probably never to find out, unless I ever finish The Thing, in which case I will use this as my author photo. Because my feet don't look too heinous in it -- I actually got a pedicure last week at Excellent Nails by Trang. But those sweatpants are hiding some frighteningly pale legs. When I sat down in the massage chair for my pedi, Trang pointed at my legs and said, "You no tan!" and then laughed hysterically while she ran the foot bath. I considered getting back at her by stealing the huge cinnamon-crumble-topped muffin from the shrine to Buddha that sat on the floor, but decided Buddha should not have to suffer for Trang's cruel sense of humor.

By the way, did you know Buddha is a smoker? In addition to incense and a massive muffin, he'd been offered several cigarettes. If I had a household shrine, I would offer Buddha a slice of peanut butter toast, a glass of pink wine, and a laptop, and all I would ask in exchange is that he smite Trang and finish writing this stupid novel.

an ai is a three-toed sloth

I very much wish I could give you the recipe for the fish cakes I ate tonight, but it's in my brother-in-law's bald head. He tried once to show me how to make them, but the process includes steps such as using mussels to make a broth to cook the potatoes in, so I now sit out by the pool drinking gimlets and smoking Virginia Slims while Tim does the cooking.


I also wish I could show you photos of the Waldorf salad my sister made, but that would require I have a less shitty camera, or if my husband is correct, that I be a better photographer. If we are all lucky, Maura will post her Waldorf salad recipe in the comments (but I warn you, the dressing alone has approximately fifteen ingredients; I'll be out by the pool with my drink, because I've come a long way, baby, but not that far).

And because no meal is complete if I have to cook it, Chrysanne brought dessert. Somehow a bourbon apple cake doesn't sound as insanely, ridiculously good as this cake actually is. So good, I will come to your house, sit by your pool, and drink your liquor while you bake one for me.