Saturday, March 28, 2009

beware the donald. no, the other donald.

Somehow I've managed to convince others to provide most of my meals lately, which is to say that all is going according to my master plan: First get others to cook for me, then get them to clean my house, followed by world domination and/or a nap.

Last night, for example, I was invited to my sister's for dinner, where she fed me delicious beer-battered-fish tacos with avocado salsa and warm corn tortillas. Unfortunately, my photos of the food didn't come out well (my dad suggested I hold a piece of toilet paper over the flash when I take pictures, but this has had no effect except to make me look crazy). However, under a special light in her basement Maura is growing pot plants, which photographed better than dinner did.

Naw, that's broccoli, or it will one day be broccoli if all goes according to Maura's master plan, which tends more toward crafting and gardening and making me dinner than world domination (now if she would just get over here and clean my house).

Maura also betters herself by listening to educational public-radio shows. Last night over dinner she told us all some biology-related facts she learned on Radiolab, concluding her mini-lecture by yelling, "And ducks DO rape," as if someone was going to argue the point.

Suddenly that Macho Duck song doesn't seem so funny, does it?


  1. If that was not an educational lecture on duck reproductive organs that my name ain't Maura. Do you like how I worked ain't in there too? Clever me!
    The odds of my cleaning your house are about the same as the odds of me cleaning my house. I would, however, be happy to send my husband over to clean, that's how things seem to get done in my house.
    I have to say though, I am starting to get a complex about you never posting pictures of the food I make.

  2. Since you brought Donald's name up, your readers may be interested to learn that the reason why Donald's Aunt Daphne went all cross-species and married Luke the Goose was precisely because of the duck rape issue.

  3. I was once raped by a duck. How is it that we have never discussed this?

  4. If I had a band, I would definitely call it The Duck Rape Issue.

  5. I've been been bitten by a goose, and chased by two unbelievably aggressive swans (why I was afraid, I can't quite figure out -- but I was).... However, the ducks and I have no problem with each other.

  6. CT, that is pretty hilarious that you ran. And probably best, because Mojie didn't mentioned whether or not swans rape, too.

  7. What Kate/Maura have failed to mention is Maura's detail of the SIZE of Donald's appendage. I was more than a little astounded (unless, of course, she was exaggerating.) Can't we see a photo? J Quizzle, I'll bet you could help with that.

  8. Um, I was NOT exaggerating. I was reporting the facts as I heard them on Radio Lab. How could I even think of that weirdness?

    By the by Candy, I like the name change.