Tuesday, May 26, 2009

& sadly the yachtsman is not around to pull me up by my bootstraps

I've started making myself a little schedule each night, in the hopes this will transform me from The Least Productive Person in the World into A Go-Getter Who Goes and Gets Things Done. Before bed every night I take out my high-tech iPaper and my iPen, I use a special font to write the day of the week, and then I make a little to-do list for the following day.

This worked for about three days, before the magic of the little schedules wore off. For example, today I did get up, I did walk the dog, and I did eat breakfast, at which point things stopped going according to plan. I did not do yoga, I wrote for about twenty minutes before I was distracted by a passing cloud, and I am not currently editing. Although the locksmith did come, which I'm going to consider my own accomplishment since it was on my goddamn schedule. I will also go to Amy & James's house, because it's a birthday party and there will be pie.

But I. Need. Serious. Help. Preferably in the form of a personal assistant.


  1. And I, Kater P., will someday learn that I. Need. A. Serious. Editor. and enlist your help.
    Today I sent out an email to 2,748 recipients with the following subject line:

    It's Time to Wak for the Animals!
    I. Shit. You. Not.

  2. It's better than "It's Time to Wok for the Animals" - something that would terrify your little vegetarian self!

  3. Oh, William, I know you love your job, but it's a lot to ask of people: Not everyone likes to wak for the animals. (Your comment made me laugh so hard, I moved immediately from grump factor 5 to grump factor 0.5, which is almost dangerous.) I'd be happy to serve as your volunteer proofreader, but know you're in good (bad) grammatical company -- you should see the mailings a certain enviro nonfprofit sends out, to way more than 2,748 people.

  4. Any role I can play in dramatically changing your grump factor (in the right direction of course) is my pleasure. It's even more my pleasure when wak-king is involved.

    Seriously Face? You think inviting a couple of thousand people to an Iron Chef competition is worse than a masturbat-a-thon? Although I suppose "wok-king" the animals would be problematic.

    I have a board meeting tonight - I may have to resign.

  5. I got that email from you and decided not to mention it because I figured it was one of your ret#$%ded employees and I didn't want to give you a coronary. Had I known it was you I most certainly would have called up and given you some sass Mr. Rogers!