old dog, new tricks

My dog has a couple of bad habits. For example, he will eat any food left unattended on the coffee table in our living room -- he has stolen cheese off the cheese plate at parties, licked the scrambled eggs off my toast, taken the crust of a slice of pizza in his mouth, slid it off the plate, and taken it back to his cave. He's sneaky, has bad manners, and can't be trusted.

Something similar happened yesterday with my mother-in-law. We were sitting at the park across the street from the Shopping Bag, a tiny, hole-in-the-wall market that has the best burger in Vermont, according to the Food Network. My mother-in-law foolishly left her half-eaten hamburger in her lap, and like an animal, I grabbed it when she wasn't looking and inhaled the whole thing in a matter of seconds.


My mother-in-law did not scold me or tell me go lie down, but I think the yachtsman is thinking of sending me to obedience school.

[I should mention here that other than a few tastes, which disgusted me, I haven't eaten beef in eighteen years. I should also mention that this burger was the best thing I've ever put in my mouth, and if my mother-in-law had tried to take it away from me, I would have bitten her.]

I obviously can never go in or near the Shopping Bag again, because I would probably climb over the counter and rape the nice man flipping the burgers. But if you are in the area, I highly recommend you do (order the burger, not rape its maker). Ask for the Scibek Sizzler. Bring mace.