The littlest sister crocheted me a scarf, which I predict will be an integral element of my Couch Jedi outfit this winter.
New vegetable brush: I no longer have to use my fingernails to scrape the dirt from carrots.
Pork to the motherf*cking chop.
corn. From the motherf*ckin' Heartland. Of America.
Am I reminding you of Martha motherf*ckin' Stewart right now?
I thought so.
Here's the story, dear readers. I ran into my friend Jonathan a couple of weeks ago at the farmers market, and he recommended pork chops from Boucher Family Farm, where, according to Jonathan, "their pigs live happy piggy lives until they practically beg to be put down and butchered so we can enjoy their wonderful porkiness." Which is how I like my pork: happy. To die.
This past Saturday, I followed Jonathan's suggestion. Because I've never cooked pork (or, with the exception of a chicken-roasting debacle a few years ago when I was still a leftie vegetarian Democrat, meat) before, I asked the nice lady at Boucher if she had any pork-cooking suggestions. She recommended Shake-n-Bake. Which, frankly, is a little more Sarah Palin than Martha Stewart, so I e-mailed Jonathan for advice. He had numerous brilliant ideas. I decided on "heat a sturdy pan, film with olive oil, sear both sides of the chops for about 4 minutes total, reduce heat, add about a 1/2 cup of liquid (wine, sherry, chicken or beef broth), cover and cook for 10 - 15 minutes turning the chops once or twice, add additional seasonings (lemon or vinegar, parsley or garlic or shallot, pepper and salt, apples or dijon mustard, a touch of worcestershire sauce -- you get the picture). You can also remove the chops and then reduce the sauce if you want it thicker."
And then I decided I had too much work to do any cooking, so I put my Texas-born husband on the case and proofread while he made me some pork chops. And roasted potatoes. And fresh corn. And motherf*ckin' blueberry buckle for dessert.
Worth clearing the motherf*ckin' table for.
Pork, corn, potatoes, blueberries, butter, flour, and tapwater: All from Vermont.