Sunday, May 9, 2010


To: All Staff

From: Senior Mgmt.

Re: Hoarding

Effective immediately, the Department of Crisper Control will cease hoarding apples. According to our calculations, winter ended after today's snowfall, and a growth forecast indicates that the current supply of 26 honey crisps should last until strawberry season. God help us if these calculations are incorrect.

Muriel Spark
A committee has been formed to decide whether or not to hoard books by Muriel Spark. A preliminary report from the committee lists the following pro and con. Pro: The two novels studied by the committee thus far (The Girls of Slender Means and The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie) were amazing. Con: She's written 20+ novels, and they can't possibly all be this good. Or can they? Further study is needed.

Lucky Lady Design
It has come to our attention that Lucky Lady, senior assistant vice executive manager for commenting, has set up an Etsy shop. Although moonlighting is forbidden in her contract, after days of round-the-clock union negotiations it has been decided that instead of terminating her position here at GFD, an official policy of hoarding Lucky Lady's wares will be adopted, specifically headbands in pretty fabrics and belts with cool vintage buckles. She also makes super-cute aprons that will soon be part of the strict dress code in GFD kitchens, but demand currently outpaces supply.



  1. Is that the GFD CEO and president of gruel consumption serving as the lower abdomen model for advertising at the Etsy shop??? Would that not inherently defy the "no moonlighting" policy enforced at GFD, or does that policy only apply to the lesser employees?

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  3. Hey look! My etsy shop was featured on a website! That is so exciting. Thanks GFD for shouting me out! I feel so honored.

  4. I can neither confirm nor deny what you're suggesting, Challah, but I will say this: Hypocrisy and corruption are not strangers to those of us at GFD HQ.

    Jshu, darling, Mojie censored herself. The corruption doesn't extend to the comments.

  5. Too true, I needed a little censoring so I just did it myself.