Wednesday, June 16, 2010

the yachtsman recommends

It's true, it's time once again for a yachtsman recommends, and I am pleased to tell you that today's recommendation is facilitating the recommendation itself. I come to you today to recommend a truly magical and revolutionary device, the thing the geeks call the Jesus tablet. That's right, I'm here to recommend the iPad.

Having purchased my iPad several nights ago, I am now able to unashamedly recommend it to the readers of GFD. Now I know what you are thinking: What would I ever do with an iPad? The truth is, after 48 hours with the thing, I have no fucking idea. All I can tell you is that the thing is magical. Why and how it's magical are not clear to me, and I truly have no idea what you are supposed to do with it. But damn it's cool. What I can say is that Gruel for Dinner never looked better than when I pulled up it up on the iPad browser. For that matter, every website I've surfed to with the device looks magical.

Now, will it replace my smartphone? No. Will it replace my laptop? No, in fact you have to have a computer to sync it with. [Ed.: Will it replace his wife? I'm nervous.] So does it do anything my other devices don't? No. In fact, any website that relies on Flash won't display, you can't multitask, and if I want to use it on the 3G network I need to cough up another $25 to AT&T on top of the other $100 a month I give them for my iPhone. But, 48 hours into this, I can't imagine life without it.

So, I recommend you buy an iPad. And please don't ask to see mine, because I don't want your dirty fingerprints all over my nice, shiny screen.

Until next time,
The Yachtsman

Sent from my iPad


  1. Wow. That's a pretty tempting sell. Makes it sound like a sensible purchase. I guess I understand now why they call it the Jesus Tablet -- you just have to believe it's magic. It doesn't actually do anything, you have nothing concrete to really believe, you just take the word of the prophet, in this case the guy who ended up getting the money we invested in his wife's bowling. Just like when Jesus went bowling. Yes indeed, I'll be getting my iPad today, right after confession. I wonder, though, is it as awesome as those push to talk verizon phones you tried to sell all your friends? You know, those cell phones where you could push a button, then talk to someone who has the same phone, then wait for a couple seconds and listen to their response... just like an ordinary lame old cell phone except w/ a delay and a button to push.

  2. I'm holding out for the iTampon.

  3. I'm waiting for the iJshu. . . I need someone to redesign my shower so its like something out of MTV Cribs

  4. I have no doubt that there is currently an iWife in development with the execs at Apple. So, if the iPad proves insufficient to replace her, just hold on a bit longer. Kate, I am thus quite certain that you just may not come equipped with enough apps to fulfill this man, so your days look to be numbered.

  5. The Yachtsman speaks the truth, and recommends well (save that caffeinated jerky stuff)...long live The Yachtsman!

  6. jshu, Jesus was a carpenter, not a bowler.

    Don't hold out tooooo long for the iTampon, LL.

    I didn't know the iJshu did bathrooms, Renee, but I'd love to see what he could do with mine. I'm thinking disco-ball-mirror shower tiles but no garbage can.

    Challah, I actually come with anti-apps. Not only do I perform few functions, I require lots of attention and am quite bossy. iNag, anyone?

    Oh, William, I miss you.

  7. What kind of batteries does it take - double 'A's or 'C's or 'D's or what - I have some new double 'A's but I think if it took 'C's or 'D's I'd have to take some used ones out of my old toys in the basement.