cake & the last word

I’m pretty sure this is the first cake I’ve made from scratch in my adult life. But because I’m basically senile, I cannot confirm that this is true. For all I know, I own a bakery. Regardless, I am the best wife in the world. I hope what’s-his-name thinks so, too.


The recipes are from Cook’s Illustrated online, the assistance and reassurance and actual frosting of the cake were provided by my mother- and stepsister-in-law. Baking is serious business, so I did not deviate from these recipes. What's-his-name's review and rating follow the recipes.

Fluffy Yellow Cake
Makes two 9-inch cake layers. Bring all ingredients to room temperature before beginning.

2 1/2 cups cake flour, plus extra for dusting pans
1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon table salt
1 3/4 cups sugar
10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
1 cup buttermilk
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
6 large egg yolks, room temperature
3 large egg whites, room temperature

1. Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease two 9-inch-wide by 2-inch-high round cake pans and line bottoms with parchment paper. Grease paper rounds, dust pans with flour, and knock out excess. Whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and 1 1/2 cups sugar together in large bowl. In 4-cup liquid measuring cup or medium bowl, whisk together melted butter, buttermilk, oil, vanilla, and yolks.

2. In clean bowl of stand mixer fitted with whisk attachment, beat egg whites at medium-high speed until foamy, about 30 seconds. With machine running, gradually add remaining 1/4 cup sugar; continue to beat until stiff peaks just form, 30 to 60 seconds (whites should hold peak but mixture should appear moist). Transfer to bowl and set aside.

3. Add flour mixture to now-empty mixing bowl fitted with whisk attachment. With mixer running at low speed, gradually pour in butter mixture and mix until almost incorporated (a few streaks of dry flour will remain), about 15 seconds. Stop mixer and scrape whisk and sides of bowl. Return mixer to medium-low speed and beat until smooth and fully incorporated, 10 to 15 seconds.

4. Using rubber spatula, stir 1/3 of whites into batter to lighten, then add remaining whites and gently fold into batter until no white streaks remain. Divide batter evenly between prepared cake pans. Lightly tap pans against counter 2 or 3 times to dislodge any large air bubbles.

5. Bake until cake layers begin to pull away from sides of pans and toothpick inserted into center comes out clean, 20 to 22 minutes. Cool cakes in pans on wire rack for 10 minutes. Loosen cakes from sides of pans with small knife, then invert onto greased wire rack and peel off parchment. Invert cakes again and cool completely on rack, about 1 1/2 hours.

Foolproof (No, seriously, it's really foolproof! It was made by a fool!) Chocolate Frosting
This frosting may be made with milk, semisweet, or bittersweet chocolate. [I used semisweet.] The frosting can be made 3 hours in advance. For longer storage, refrigerate the frosting, covered, and let it stand at room temperature for 1 hour before using.

20 tablespoons (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup confectioners sugar
3/4 cup cocoa
Pinch table salt
3/4 cup light corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
8 ounces milk, semisweet, or bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled slightly

1. In food processor, process butter, sugar, cocoa, and salt until smooth, about 30 seconds, scraping sides of bowl as needed. Add corn syrup and vanilla and process until just combined, 5 to 10 seconds. Scrape sides of bowl, then add chocolate and pulse until smooth and creamy, 10 to 15 seconds. Frosting can be used immediately or held (see note).

WHAT'S-HIS-NAME'S NOTES & RATING

ME: What did you think of your cake?

WHAT'S-HIS-NAME: Moist. Super chocolate-y icing. Yellow. You out Duncan Hines’d Duncan Hines.

MY STEPSISTER-IN-LAW: God, I hope so.

ME: How many stars?

WHN: A google x infinity.

ME: Out of five, honey.

WHN: A google x infinity.

After I finished writing this post but before I put it online (we were in the Adirondacks without internet service), what's-his-name hacked into my computer (by which I mean he turned it on) and added the following comment.

"The yachtsman recommends this cake. Your wife sucks if she doesn’t make you this birthday cake. I am a lucky man, and you are not. So ha, I eat cake and you do not."

Do you find him charming? I do.

hello, jellybean!

Violet Patterson Miller
Born today (happy birthday, Harry!) at 1:07 p.m.
8 pounds, 4 ounces; 19.5 inches long

Chris wants to know if the name Lando Calrissian is still in the running.

wwjd?

It's been a busy weekend, o bl*g readers. There was some old-biddie-style fun on Friday afternoon...


...followed by an evening of dance-related activities (watching others, doing it ourselves) with my friend LE, and a family birthday party at our house last night.

While I was joking when I said I gave up shame for Lent (shame has never been a problem for me; it's the lack of it that gets me in trouble), several of my family members are actually not eating desserts or drinking in celebration of Jesus's death. (Or in preparation for it? All those years of catechism and still I don't know how or why those kooky Catholics do what they do.)

So instead of birthday cake we had a platter of birthday pineapple and mango:


The fruit was good and all, but when I turn, um, nineteen next January, I will be eating chocolate cake, preferably made by either the Mister Who Won't Watch Gossip Girl or Q_Monroe (whose cake bl*g is partially responsible for the fact that I didn't get any work done on Friday).

For dinner I made prosciutto-wrapped fish, inspired by the fact that in his video Mark Bittman cooks it with one hand literally tied behind his back. If he can do it with one hand, surely I can do it with two. Right?

But do you think Mark Bittman called his stepmom four times while he was cooking? Because that's how often I called mine while I shopped for and cooked this meal (please note that stalker and stepdaughter almost rhyme), and this isn't even the first time I've made this fish.

Served with garlic mashed purple potatoes and asparagus.


Crawf supplied the fancy salad...


...and the photos are courtesy of my pop, who looks much cooler than I do holding toilet paper over his camera flash. (No, Dad, I swear, it's totally hip. Just like those Jesus sandals you wore in the '70s.)

Roast Prosciutto-Wrapped Fish
1/2 cup fresh parsley leaves
1/2 cup fresh basil leaves
1/2 cup pine nuts
2 tablespoons olive oil, more or less
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 4- to 6-ounce thick fillets of halibut, cod or other white-fleshed fish
2 or 3 ounces thinly sliced prosciutto
2 tablespoons butter, or more oil.

1. Heat oven to 450 degrees. In a small food processor, combine herbs with pine nuts, enough olive oil to make a thick paste, and salt and pepper. (Alternatively, chop everything fine and combine in a bowl.)

2. Season fillets with salt and pepper. Lay two slices of prosciutto on a board, slightly overlapping like fish scales. Smear prosciutto with a layer of herb mixture, then lay fish in center and wrap it up.

3. Heat a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat for about 2 minutes; add butter. When foam subsides, cook fish for a minute on each side, then roast until tender, 5 to 10 minutes depending on thickness. Fillets are done when a thin-bladed knife will pass through their thickest point with little resistance. Serve.

Yield: 4 servings.

That's the recipe as it appeared in the Times; here are a few of my notes (my god, who are we kidding? These are my stepmother's notes): As is, the flavor of the dish is delicate; the pesto doesn't have cheese and the fish (especially if you use cod) is very mild. To make it a little more savory I (or my stepmother) might marinate the fish in lime juice and cilantro; salt and pepper the fish more; use just basil in and perhaps add a little cheese to the pesto; use a black olive tapenade in addition to the pesto. Those of you who've made/eaten this before (CT, CT's mister, Mojie, stepmother...) should feel free to post other ideas in the comments...

it tastes like unicorns

Apparently the name "cake with internal sprinkles" was taken, so Pillsbury went with "Funfetti!" instead.

happy birthday, littlest sass!

This tiny baby turns 21 today, and in honor of her birthday I said we would spend the day doing whatever she wants. What she wants is to eat pizza for lunch, go see a matinee of Twilight (“You’ll love it, Katie! It’s my new Titanic!”), and eat pizza for dinner. After dinner she has requested white cake with internal sprinkles and cream cheese frosting (I actually tried to talk her out of that particular combination, but the girl was adamant). She's lucky she's one of my favorite people, and one of the only people I would eat pizza, watch the new (or the old) Titanic, eat more pizza, and then eat sprinkle cake with.

As Maura put it, "Oh my god, we're going to die." And when we do we will be canonized.