dumpster wars

When I sat down this evening to whip up a little bl*g post, I realized I had nothing. So I turned to the yachtsman and asked what I should write about. His answer?

"Seagull wars, and my jihad, and why I’m on the righteous path."

But of course.

The yachtsman has opened a new front in the dumpster wars: YouTube. But I refuse to post a link to his seven-minute video of seagulls recorded at 5:30 in the morning, because he is now targeting not only the crappy Brazilian restaurant in our lobby, but also the delicious Italian restaurant in our basement, and I want to be able to continue to eat at the latter without finding saliva in my gnocchi.

And really, the yachtsman's tongue is mightier than the sword, the pen, and the online video combined, so I offer you a few of his recent war-room comments:

"What do you think of me setting up a 24/7 surveillance for that back alley? I’m only half being not serious."

"Did you hear the garbage trucks at 3:15 this morning? 3:15. I’m going to booby trap the whole area down there. It’s going to be like Da Nang. I’m going to light up the sky."

YACHTSMAN: Victory is mine.
ME: It is?
YACHTSMAN: Victory is in the eye of the beholder.

as far as i know, there have not yet been any casualties

The Yachtman asked that I post this picture and call the post "dumpster wars." I'm not sure who, exactly, is at war, though I know it involves the dumpster in the parking lot behind our building, the crappy Brazilian restaurant in our lobby, a flock of seagulls (actual birds, not the band), and the Yachtsman.

The Yachtsman: "Write, 'Today is D-Day in the dumpster wars.'"
Me: "What does that mean?"
The Yachtsman: "They'll know what it means."
Me: "Who will know what it means?"
The Yachtsman: [IGNORES ME.]
Me: "Are you going to storm the shores of the parking lot?"
The Yachtsman: "Just write it."

passion

There was a big fire in a dumpster outside our building last night.


I'm pretty sure Chris set it as a testament of his love for me, but he's blaming our arch nemeses at Souza's, the Brazilian all-you-can-eat-meat restaurant in the lobby.