Wednesday, April 1, 2009

after the fall

I was auditioning apples the other day at work, but the talent was seriously lacking. Braeburn? Poop. Gala? Poop. Pink lady? Pink poop.

Until last year I thought that apples were disgusting, due to the fact that I grew up eating Macintoshes (mealy, nasty) and Granny Smiths (crisp but too sour). But about the same time I started going steady with peanut butter toast I discovered Honeycrisps, and since then I’ve eaten one as a midmorning snack nearly every day (between the toast and the apples you might think me boring, but I’m actually a real slut starting at lunchtime).

I was horrified to discover the other day that City Market is out of Honeycrisp apples. As the nice man in produce explained, the apples I’ve been eating all winter were from cold storage, and there are no more Honeycrisp apples in cold storage.

I resisted the urge to grab the nice man in produce by the shoulders and scream, "Why are you doing this to me?" Instead I bought a Braeburn, a Gala, and a Pink Lady, which all turned out to be inedible (see above). Now I have no idea what I’m going to eat midmorning; today I made do with some potato chips, but that solution is untenable over the long term, namely because when Chris comes home from Colorado he will surely re-hide the potato chips (they were hidden when he left, but just try and stop me when I'm starving at midmorning apple time).

I am so screwed.


  1. I have to say, I'm surprised you don't like the pink lady. They are certainly no honey crisp but they are a marginal second for me. I've been muddling through with Pink Ladies for what seems like a long time now. I don't think we are going to see any honeycrisps for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time!

  2. Um, because it was an audition (and I am a total loser), I actually took notes on each apple's performance. For the Pink Lady I wrote, "Mushy, nice flavor, inedible." I just can't abide the mushiness.

  3. I can empathize, darlin', as I'm eating a honeycrisp as I type and it is one of my final few (and I'm locking my refrigerator the next time you come over.) If you stay away from Vermont apples until fall, you can still find crisp with flavor....but not as good as a honeycrisp. Try the Oregon/California apples from PC instead...there must be something in the pesticides that keeps them tasting good.

  4. wow--how did I not know this was happening. good reading.

  5. also, I am also obsessed w/honeycrip apples & peanut butter toast.

  6. Alright, quit your winging and buy some Honeycrisp here:

    they are in upstate NY and you can buy 100 for $84.99, they aren't giving them away but if you are desperate...

    Also, I am totally obsessed with having an apple tree in my front yard now so Im going to see if I can talk the mister into it. He doesn't seem to care about a lawn so I can't imagine he'll care.

  7. See, this is why blogs can do good in the world. Here I was, thinking I was all alone in my honeycrisp-or-nothing approach to apples.

    Obviously not.

    And Mojie -- don't do it! I'm telling you... apple tress are a pain in the ass. (My favorite part of the mess was when I would mow right over them and the whole yard would start to smell like applesauce.)

  8. Ugh, gross! I hate apple sauce. Also, in the course of my research, I learned that you ahve to have at least two apple trees in order for it to work. I can't deal with two.
    Back to just the raised beds in the front yard I guess. Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

  9. i love the honey crisps too, but don't mind the pink ladies. if you cut them up instead of biting right in, i think that adds a level of crispiness...

  10. Well, hello, Q_Monroe (please note my rhyme scheme) and Selene!

    I probably won't be ordering apples online, and not because I'm not desperate or willing, but because I'm going to be leaving town for a month and I don't think I'll have room in my suitcase for 100 apples. But I may try cutting up the pink ladies, and possibly submerging them in yogurt. Or dipping them in chocolate.

  11. Oh my, Q_Monroe, are these yours?
    Screw the yogurt and apples! I want cake!

  12. yes those are mine! it's my side business that i'm trying shamelessly to promote.
    peanutbutter is always good on apples too. or cinnamon sugar.