I was auditioning apples the other day at work, but the talent was seriously lacking. Braeburn? Poop. Gala? Poop. Pink lady? Pink poop.
Until last year I thought that apples were disgusting, due to the fact that I grew up eating Macintoshes (mealy, nasty) and Granny Smiths (crisp but too sour). But about the same time I started going steady with peanut butter toast I discovered Honeycrisps, and since then I’ve eaten one as a midmorning snack nearly every day (between the toast and the apples you might think me boring, but I’m actually a real slut starting at lunchtime).
I was horrified to discover the other day that City Market is out of Honeycrisp apples. As the nice man in produce explained, the apples I’ve been eating all winter were from cold storage, and there are no more Honeycrisp apples in cold storage.
I resisted the urge to grab the nice man in produce by the shoulders and scream, "Why are you doing this to me?" Instead I bought a Braeburn, a Gala, and a Pink Lady, which all turned out to be inedible (see above). Now I have no idea what I’m going to eat midmorning; today I made do with some potato chips, but that solution is untenable over the long term, namely because when Chris comes home from Colorado he will surely re-hide the potato chips (they were hidden when he left, but just try and stop me when I'm starving at midmorning apple time).
I am so screwed.