Chris and I went to the mall the other night (our first mistake) to go the AT&T store (our second mistake), which was like walking through the insane asylum to buy a phone at the freak show.
I saw three different people at the mall wearing slippers, and it wasn't like I stumbled into the middle of a gang of slipper-wearers: These were three separate slipper-wearing individuals. Admittedly I'm not in a position to judge, given the fact that I walk around my building (and sometimes the park across the street from my house) in my couch Jedi outfit. And yet I do judge. Even I put on shoes to go to the depressing, fluorescently lit wasteland that is the Burlington Square Mall! Granted, I don't brush my hair or teeth, and I think it's perfectly acceptable to wear pajama bottoms that bear a passing resemblance to pants. But c'mon now. No shirt, no shoes, no shuffling around the mall.
But the greater mall was nothing compared to the AT&T store, which was PACKED, mostly with stoned fifteen-year-old boys using the web-enabled phones to check their e-mail, listen to music, and look at porn. There was also a long line of unruly customers and only two employees, so we had to wait for quite some time, during which I kept sneaking out of the store and curling into the fetal position behind a massive fake potted plant. Chris, apparently thinking I was trying to get a game of hide-n-seek going, kept finding me.
Other visitors to the store included a prepubescent girl wearing an adorable pink teeshirt that said "SLUT" in sparkly letters, a toothless pregnant man, and a woman with knee-high, spiked-heeled boots and peroxide-orange hair who came in and immediately started yelling to the employees, both of whom were helping other people, that one of her "clients" had stolen her phone. I of course assumed she was a prostitute, but it turns out she was a hairdresser, which I know because she could not stop talking loudly to herself about her misfortunes while walking in tight little (probably cocaine-induced) circles.
All of which is to say that I have a new phone.