fool me ... can't get fooled again

Last year at this time I was auditioning apples. This year I'm hoarding them.


I currently have 23 honeycrisps in my fridge, and if all goes according to my master plan I will squirrel away enough to get me through to local berry season, skipping those pesky grapefruit altogether.

It's an evil master plan, obviously.

how do i love thee? let me count the ways

For now I'm happy eating them just like this,


but before the season's over I'm going to try this, eat lots of these, and use a coupon I received for my birthday to get the yachtsman to make me this.

Happy summer to me.

pig: it's what's for breakfast, midmorning snack, & lunch

I have a little tub of romesco sauce sitting in my fridge, courtesy of my stepmom, who made a batch and gave me some. I don't know what romesco sauce is, exactly, but it's delicious, and I've spent the morning walking into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door, taking out the romesco sauce, and dipping things in it. So I can tell you romesco sauce is delicious on roasted asparagus, individual spinach and arugula leaves (rolled into little tubes!), radishes, toast, and the end of my finger. But romesco sauce on the special ham will be my undoing (I write that as if I'm not already undone): salty, smoky, spicy, garlicky, delicious.

Someone please come and take this ham away.

midmorning snack

Radishes and microbasil butter on, you guessed it, toast.

Because it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks that don't involve toast.

denial: it's both a river in egypt & a midmorning snack

I swear to you, I just ate the one little slice of special crunchy cake. I didn't keep wandering back into the kitchen and cutting myself additional pieces until the special crunchy cake was gone. Because I don't have a problem: I can quit anytime I want to.

And the cake wasn't even that big, anyway.


[I'm not going to tell you who my dealer is; if you want to know more about the special crunchy cake, and you know you do, you can read about it here.]

today's midmorning-snack replacement

It's delicious and all, but this bitch is a little high maintenance, what with the peeling and the pith removal. (I could cut it in half and eat it with a sharp-toothed spoon, but that reeks of diet to me, and I. Do. Not. Diet.) I need to be able to get up from my desk, walk to the kitchen, grab my midmorning snack, and return to my desk.

Because I'm a busy woman: I have The Thing to procrastinate writing, and hours and hours of aimless internet surfing to do EVERY DAY. Who has time to peel a grapefruit?

after the fall

I was auditioning apples the other day at work, but the talent was seriously lacking. Braeburn? Poop. Gala? Poop. Pink lady? Pink poop.


Until last year I thought that apples were disgusting, due to the fact that I grew up eating Macintoshes (mealy, nasty) and Granny Smiths (crisp but too sour). But about the same time I started going steady with peanut butter toast I discovered Honeycrisps, and since then I’ve eaten one as a midmorning snack nearly every day (between the toast and the apples you might think me boring, but I’m actually a real slut starting at lunchtime).

I was horrified to discover the other day that City Market is out of Honeycrisp apples. As the nice man in produce explained, the apples I’ve been eating all winter were from cold storage, and there are no more Honeycrisp apples in cold storage.

I resisted the urge to grab the nice man in produce by the shoulders and scream, "Why are you doing this to me?" Instead I bought a Braeburn, a Gala, and a Pink Lady, which all turned out to be inedible (see above). Now I have no idea what I’m going to eat midmorning; today I made do with some potato chips, but that solution is untenable over the long term, namely because when Chris comes home from Colorado he will surely re-hide the potato chips (they were hidden when he left, but just try and stop me when I'm starving at midmorning apple time).

I am so screwed.