if you can't beat 'em, walk a mile in their shoes, which are actually quite comfortable

In spite of the fact that I spend my days unwashed and wearing what basically amounts to pajamas, there have been certain lines I wouldn't cross. For example, if I'm going to an event that takes place at night and has a ticket price of $15 or more, I will not wear any fleece (unlike most Vermonters, who will show up decked out in their best fleece vests). And I've always resisted clogs, because with the exception of winter boots, shoes are not meant to be comfortable or practical, they should to be pretty and crippling. But then I tried on my sister's clogs. I tried on my sister's clogs, tried to hide from her the fact that I was wearing them, and got angry when she asked for them back. And the next day I spent the gift certificate I'd planned to use to buy some foxy new boots on what are basically slippers I can wear to work. Up next: fleece pants at a dinner party.

free beer. i mean, book.

I have a few book-related rules:

1. No hardcovers (bulky, expensive).

2. If by page 100 a book has no redeeming qualities, it's OK to put it down.

3. Avoid books with cute titles that include words like "sweetness" and "pie" and "secret life of bees."

4. Only read books with pages made of paper (no Kindles, no e-books, no stone tablets).

5. Buy local.

6. When a friend's book is published, buy a copy the minute it's released.

When my friend Creston Lea's book came out last week, I was so excited to follow rule no. 6 that I broke rule no. 5 and bought a copy online. I was so excited, in fact, that I apparently put not one but two copies of Creston's book in my cyber shopping cart. So I have an extra, which I'd like to share with one of you.

In case you're worried, Creston's book, a collection of short stories called Wild Punch, doesn't break rules 1 through 4.

1. It's not bulky or expensive. The stories are both generous and lean, rich with detail but without an extra ounce of fat. And the characters, who you'll want to save/shake/marry/go drinking with, are for the most part flat broke.
2. There's no way you'll want to quit after page 100. In fact, you'll reread stories as you go along, and as you near the end you'll read more slowly to make the book last as long as possible.
3. The title is not cute, and neither are the stories: They're smart and risky and well-wrought and dark (yet beautiful and somehow hopeful, too).
4. The copy I'm giving away cannot be read on a Kindle and will be sent to the winner through a thing called the mail (that's not a misspelling). The pages are made of paper, and the front and back covers feature illustrations by the talented Miss Sarah Ryan.

So if you're looking for a good read, send an email to gruelfordinner [at] gmail [dot] com by Friday, March 12, at 5:00 p.m. EST, and my assistant will randomly select someone to receive a copy. If that someone is not you, don't think of yourself as a loser, think of yourself as a good sport, and then go to your local bookstore and buy a copy. It's called Wild Punch, and it's by Creston Lea.

made to be broken

I have a few food rules. For example, Food Rule No. 4,375 is that sweets should not contain nuts. Nuts are for snacking and salads and savory main dishes. Unless nuts are appearing in a noncrunchy butter form, they have no place in brownies, cookies, cake, or ice cream. Am I right or am I right?

I am wrong. When the lovely Elisa offered me one of her oatmeal cookies over Labor Day weekend in the Adirondacks, I took one to be polite. I took another because I felt sorry for her, and I ate a third and fourth because I didn't want her to beat me up. I e-mailed her later and asked for the recipe because I was doing some no-nuts-in-cookies-related research and needed the recipe for data-collection purposes.

This past week when I decided a good fall cookie might be the perfect antidote to the chill in the air and 4:30 p.m. sunset, I though of Elisa's C3OWs, as they were named by a fellow researcher over Labor Day weekend. They're heartier than your run-of-the-mill Tollhouse but still deliciously chocolaty and not too nutty, and the dried cranberries give them a nice tang.


C3OW Cookies

1 cup butter, softened
1 cup packed light brown sugar
½ cup white sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1¼ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups quick-cooking oats
¾ cup of sweetened, dried cranberries
¾ cup chopped walnuts
1¼ cup semisweet chocolate chips


1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, cream the butter, brown sugar, and white sugar.

3. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla.

4. Combine the flour, baking soda, and salt. Then stir into the creamed mixture until just blended.

5. Mix in the quick oats, cranberries, walnuts, and chocolate chips.



6. Put heaping spoonfuls of cookie dough onto baking sheets lined with parchment paper.


7. Bake for 12-17 minutes (depending on the oven). Cool on a baking rack until ready to eat.

Food Rule No. 789: Follow directions when baking. The baking time and temperature here seemed off to me—after 17 minutes at 325 the cookies didn't appear browned enough, so I left them in the oven, and they ended up being too crispy. Next I tried baking them at 350; these browned, but were a little dry. Finally I followed the directions: The cookies were not brown on the bottom and seemed a little undercooked when I took them out after ~17 minutes at 325 but were perfect—delicious warm and still soft when they cooled.


Happy fall to me.