Wednesday, July 22, 2009

you're gonna love my nuts


It's been a long time since I sat in my Couch Jedi outfit at a kitchen table covered with crap and ate gruel a la nuts for dinner. But it's raining (again, still), I haven't had a day off in over a week (which to a Couch Jedi is like not having a day off for almost a year), and our apartment is a veritable sty (the place looks like it's been burglarized and then abandoned and then squatted in: Dirty laundry, random pieces of paper, weeks worth of mail, and other random items spilling from drawers, strewn across furniture, and stacked haphazardly on every available surface; actual piles of dirt, in addition to the customary tufts of dog hair, in all the corners, and a buildup of dust so thick we're gonna need a shovel to get it up; bathrooms the conditions of which I dare not speak).

A normal person would have come home from her ten-hour day (which to a Couch Jedi is like working an eighteen-hour day. In a coalmine.), picked up the house, gone for a jog, made something fresh and summery for dinner, and then spent the evening at the piano playing show tunes while her husband sang along. A Couch Jedi, on the other hand, would strike this normal person down with a light saber, pull on a pair of fleece pants, make gruel a la nuts for dinner, and then retire to the couch for an evening of television watching.


The perfect dessert, of course, would be a nice little serving of Chuck Bass, but the yachtsman isn't having it. He wants to watch a British documentary television program from the nineties about squirrels. Which to a Couch Jedi is like being forced to watch My Dinner With Andre twenty times in a row while being hit in the head with a brick.

8 comments:

  1. And yet the pedi remains in perfect condition.

    In these parts, by the way, we are back to sniping squirrels in the backyard from the dining room after a squirrel or squirrels ate THROUGH a plastic baffle in order to further scale a pole and flip itself onto a bird feeder and eat illicit birdseed. Did you get that, EBiddie?

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  2. Sounds like those western squirrels haven't kept up with the dangers of ingesting polymers. I can highly recommend metal baffles....between those and the weight-triggered feeders my squirrels (rodents) haven't eaten illicit bird seed in weeks. I still dream of a potato gun, however.

    As to the the 10 hour (horrors) work days: be careful GFD bl*g creator or soon you will be trading in your Jedi outfit for official go-to-work garb.

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  3. that's exactly how my house looks! my redneck boyfriend (and i say that with only love) and i chose to ignore it and went out to dinner and a movie.

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  4. EBiddie & Quizz, I think you should come over for a screening of the squirrel show. Chris has been talking about it for years (he saw it on the BBC when he lived in London) and finally found it online and downloaded it. Or I can summarize it for you this way: The squirrels are going to win.

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  5. We should consider swapping partners for a night - I quite enjoy squirrels and the MeatMan is crazy about GG. In fact, we watched 3 straight hours of B, S, G and little J last night.... til the end of Season 1. And upon writing this and reflecting, I am now deciding that I'd much rather be objectifying Misters Bass, Archibald and Humphrey than doing my work... so I'll stick with the MeatMan.

    My favorite TV scene of all time is now: Season1, Episode 17, 17:06.

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  6. I've loved your nuts since the moment I met you! Also, although still new to the glories of Chuck Bass, I find that anyone who would deny you him for dessert should be hit twenty times in the head with a brick! Violation!!

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  7. I'll come if J Quizz is there....with a weapon. If those squirrels can eat through a plastic baffle there is no telling what they will do to a TV screen.

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  8. Matt LaBee, the feeling is mutual. Now let's hang out and milk some horses together. Or write some songs, at least. Or maybe I can do the song writing and you can do the interpretive dancing.

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